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Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Disturbia

"We will defeat you for all mankind."
Beezleboss (The Final Showdown) - Tenacious D

The morning as it is started off badly, and i'm yet to recover from it. I have no idea why I have an urge to blog...

I need to take it all out somewhere, and this is where I do it. I guess you're not interested to read what i've got to say. i'm just emotionally messed up, and for all I know i might be bringing in some hardcore emotional baggage into the exam hall, as if you can't see, i'm beginning to hate myself real bad.

My life is a disaster waiting to happen right now. I'mma be rotting at home next year for God knows what college is gonna accept my rubbish results. This trial has really gone to the dogs, and why? Read my last post. Heck, those folks aren't even entering in January, and they are so damn selfish to claim all the good results for themselves.

I personally wanna be serious this year. Really. SPM means alot to me and I wanna do well. It's just that, inconsiderate folks are there to ruin it all for me. Chemistry paper 3 is after the break, and I don't think I can pull it off. My teacher made a promise to my mum saying that I will produce an A in chemistry...well, it looks like i'll be the one to break that promise, even though I wasn't the one who made it.

I put on a show and a big mask with a smile to hide all the pain, because I'm tired of being pushed around. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm stuck with a born-smart assole, a friend who needs me, a knocked-up drug addict and a few other folks in my tiny class. Two of you guys can't even get your hands off girls now at this late hour, and SPM is in less than a month. Well, for the born smart dude it should be easy. After all, he has more brains in his little finger than I have in my head.

All my life I try not to hide anything, but at this stage, the emotions are getting too heavy to bear. There's virtually no one i can talk to about this without breaking down and pouring my heart out. My sis doesn't answer the phone, my other sis is having exams soon and I really don't want to trouble her. At least there are some kind souls around who wouldn't mind talking...

I'm only 17, and I feel that the world is upon my back now. I have no idea how I'm going to bear with the burdens of the real world, or even if I'm going to get the chance to see it. As for now, I've become a useless bum sitting around waiting for something to happen. I try to be optimistic, but it's no use. I'm being bullied and bashed up silently...and most of you all who are doing it think it's a joke. A joke is a joke. It's only funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious. That only applies to physical injury that may look good on a Darwin Award. Emotional hurt is never right. It's never right to hurt someone's feelings unless it's for the better, so don't give me the "I'm whipping you into shape" bullshit because I'll take care of myself. I'm willing to change and i don't need you to change me.

Violence has it's ways with me. While I trry to be nonviolent, sometimes I can't resist it. It's just that in my journey of life, lots of shit happens. Now I know that keeping it all inside doesn't help and there will come a time when it'll all come out, and here it is. On my blog for the world to read if they give two hoots.

I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone through these few posts, but I'm really under an emotional breakdown now. Please understand and pray for me. I hope that it's only temporary and won't change your perspective towards me and who I am. I'm feeling all depressed and useless now.

And as for you (you know who you are), don't come to me with stories that your girlfriend feels suicidal. She's a stupid bimbo who is yet to know what the REAL suicidal feeling is like. Even I haven't felt it before. She goes through what? 3 boyfriends a year!? What makes you think she actually cares for you? People like that are NOT worth your time.

Chem 2 is starting in a bit, and they want to push it 5 minutes earlier. HELLO. You print a bloody timetable for what? You can't even keep to it. If I'm late for the paper i'll admit so lah. You don't do any start-early rubbish without my permission. I'm a member if the class too and I pay the same amount of school fees as everyone else there. I deserve a say don't I?

Love,
Daniel

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