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Thursday, 20 August 2009

Take A Chance On Me

"Some day I wish someone out there will find me, till then I'll walk alone."
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Somethings that we really can't control can really drive us up the wall no?

I'm a nostalgic kid. Even the littlest things in my life could call up fond memories of my childhood and the events of my ever-turbulent life. I keep tons of little things that take me down memory lane, and they clutter up my room like crazy.

New inventions come up day by day, and even reading the old posts on this blog already carries me into my past, like watching a video of something i did years ago. And just recently, the nvention of Twitter also helps.

Until, of course, Facebook came along...

I'm not degrading Facebook. In fact, I've grown pretty fond of it. It's just that you don't have control over what others say and do. If you've read or watched The Phantom Of The Opera, you'll see what it's like to be in love with someone so madly, that you would kill anyone who wants her just as much as you. I believe that love shouldn't be associated with violence, and that no one sholud be forced to love. I'm a walking contradiction, and yes, I have contradicted myself. However, as a human, I've learnt bitter lessons from my mistakes and I've change my old ways. It was a painful journey to walk, especially with people telling you all sorts of nonsense along the way.

If you love someone honestly, Facebook and Twitter is NOT the place for it. You ca say "I love you" in an sms, an email and yes, even your blog. It's your right to love, but what if that little statement shattered someone's delicate heart?

As you and I know, Facebook, Twitter and blogs have feeds, and it's the first thing you see when you log into Facebook or Twitter. How would you feel if someone you love very much just said a big I love you on a wall-to-wall or a Twitter @message? It's very heartbreaking, especially if s/he doesn't love you for a wrong reason.

Why do people love each other, go out on dates and burn huge sums of money and then break up and never speak to each other again? The giving of gifts has always been a great way to show love, but I believe that it isn't the best. The best love is a love where you share everything deep down in your heart with each other, and make everything that is "yours" in "ours". It's all about sharing. It's not about who paid for dinner, it's not about the 5 foot teddy bear in her room, and its not about the autographed album on his shelf. It's about the togetherness and acceptance - not for who you can be, who you want to be, or who you will be, but who you are, as you are, where you are.

I've been rejected by the people who understand me the most. I just ask openly because they say that "You'll find her someday..." and all sorts of honey-coated statements just to give me hope, but then if so little people out there understand me, my destiny is probably just to remain single. I can't accept it because I have a heart that's bursting with love and just need someone to shower it upon. Someone who doesn't brag about his or her life on the phone, but someone who listens and is a shoulder to cry on in times of trouble and doubt. As I once did say that someone who really loves you, instead of telling you not to cry, would dry your tears.

Pop culture has brought about distorted meanings and views about love to the world. Too many pop artists have gotten married for a mere 24 hours before letting their million-dollar-wedding go to waste. It not only makes love look cheap, but also causes bloody inflation that makes the rich poor and the poor poorer.

Though it's has been haunting and tempting me, I have put aside my single-ness to focus on my future, which depends oh-so-heavily on my SPM. I can't see myself coming out into the real world and living, for I have grown for 7 years feeling unloved. Not unloved by parents, especially not unloved by God, but for someone who is entirely not related to me, who loves me for who I am.

Being different in a society that regards all sexual tangents (e.g.: metrosexuality, transexuality and bisexuality) as homosexual and gay, it's very hard to be different. The inspiration on how we define a person's sexual characteristics obviously come from and immature and uneducated wannabe who thinks s/he knows the world when s/he doesn't. We "transgender" folks have more than you can ever imagine in our hearts, but just no place to show it. So give us a chance, one isn't homosexual just because he likes butterflies, rainbows, heart-shaped stuff or cute, bright colours. One is homosexual if they are in love with a member of the same sex. And homosexuality is NOT to be condescended upon, but is to be respected. Why? Because homosexuals are humans too. Don't believe the bullshit people say about homosexuals having straight marriages and homosexual fantasies. That's plain RUBBISH.

I hope I reached out to someone, or at least changed someone's views upon me, or someone who's alike me. The next time you call someone gay, think deeply about what you said. He probably has a better relationship with a girl than you'll ever have with anyone.


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