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Saturday, 16 May 2009

Through The Fire And Flames

“I say I don’t love you, but you know that I’m a liar.”
Fire -
Babyface

Fire has always amazed me. I love playing with fire. It’s such an interesting form of energy one can fool around with, and of course, I have been bitten by the flames of stupidity.

However, I really hate fire drills. If it happens once, I'll be serious, but if it happens 4 or 5 times, then I get pissed. Any more and I’ll act as if nothing ever happened.

Now which corrupt syndicate would pull the fire alarm whenever someone down the road lights a cigarette?

You’ve guessed it. The very facility I attend. And in the past 3 months, they’ve pulled 2 FALSE ALARMS and 2 FIRE DRILLS. And yes, today’s drill was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And how do I know that there isn’t a 4-alarm blaze within the perimeter?

This is something worth sharing.

 

HOW TO TELL A REAL FIRE FROM A FIRE DRILL

FIRE DRILL REAL FIRE
People WALK People RUN
People follow EXIT SIGNS People take NEAREST EXIT
People SHOUT People SCREAM
Some places are LIFE AS USUAL EVERYBODY OUT!
“I don’t smell ANYTHING.” “Something’s BURNING!”
People CLOSE DOORS behind them People DON’T BOTHER!
People STOP and LOOK People BAIL!
NOBODY’S serious EVERYONE’S serious
CLEAR SMOKEY
Someone CLOCKS THE TIME That “Someone” GETS OUT
Someone’s SITTING AROUND watching ditto
People PRETEND People PANIC
People TALKING Approaching fire engine SIREN
Temperature remains THE SAME It gets HOT
We TURN OFF electrical appliances Mains electricity gets CUT OFF
People apply ZERO common sense People apply FULL common sense
People feel PISSED People feel SCARED
CONGESTION at junctions STAMPEDES at junctions
Fire extinguishers are UNTOUCHED Fire extinguishers are USED
People WAIT THEIR TURN People PUSH AND SHOVE
WAIT, let me finish this first! Screw it! Let’s GO!
Someone STOPS to have a drink… RUN first, drink later!

 

The last big difference is that we re-enter the building MINUTES after the drill, but probably DAYS after a fire.

So if you have more than 3 fire drills in a period of 5 months, live life as usual! Just check with that table above and if it’s an obvious drill, screw it! Don’t let it waste your time, you have work to do. In that half-hour wasted you could have maybe closed a deal, updated your blog, completed an add maths problem, fed the dog, made a phone call, and probably a handful of other things.

DON’T LET REPETITIVE FIRE DRILLS WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME!

We are aware of the properties of fire. We aren’t stupid. You want to see stupidity and fire going together? Go check out the Darwin Awards.

Love,
Daniel

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